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Titanic Days

At 4am this morning, after staring at the ceiling for an eternity (really 15 mins), I decided to get out of bed and do something.

I made myself a coffee, gave the cat an early breakfast, and then stood at the doorway of my sewing room with a heavy heavy heart.

And then I realised what I had to do, what I wanted to do.

Time to start chucking things out.

I started with my desk. And then moved onto the sewing table. I went through files and magazine racks and piles and piles of stuff. I couldn’t believe the things I was hanging onto. Stuff I should have thrown out years ago.

Clothes that will to be sent to women who need them. A cupboard that needs emptying. And maybe painting.

Scraps of paper from a fairy tale I wrote once, plastic eyes from invitations that took 3 months to make, Sydney Writers Festival Opening Address’, articles on writing, waaaaay too much shit.

And things from a life I’ve been clinging to, a life that was probably never mine, a path I was not meant to walk.

And it feels a little sad, throwing it all out, but mostly it just feels good.

It’s been a process I’ve been going through for over two years now, and has not just been physical but emotional and spiritual as well. It’s been the worst time of my life, but it’s also been the best time of my life.  As my beloved Kirsty sings “It’s sink or swim in these Titanic Days”.

If you are in a similar place, and life is more turbulent than you would like, take heart because you are not alone.

And I wish you courage and extraordinary days.

xxx

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3 thoughts on “Titanic Days

  1. I am deeply sorry for what you are going through, on all levels but especially your own personal loss. Glad at the same time as it means you will move forward (with Jullia!)to a brighter and happier future.
    Olivia looks like a bird, just as her mother did when she was born, with the same shaped head and face.
    Sad that we are not all celebrating together but am coming to be at peace with it all.

  2. In the words of Jeff Buckley (feel free to hit me with a rolled up newspaper) “had to send it away to bring it back again” – sometimes you need to clean away the clutter to allow new energies to come in.

    xx

  3. Fran,
    Think of it as making room for new things to enter, not so much as throwing things out.
    Now, I have a meeting thing-a-me-jig that suggests I am in the city on Monday. I’ll take another look at it and let you know, but if I am close by, I’ll drop you a line and we can have a cuppa.
    Either Monday, or I am at the first day of the PANPA conference, and I think that’s in town too.

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